I've come to realize a few things over the last few weeks. First, is that people dumfound me sometimes. Second, some people amaze me. Third, I amaze myself. Forth, people are amazed by me. Fifth, in the words to quoted my trainer of what he told me back when I lost my job and when I got turned down for the Bickover Couples Edition..."Everything happens for a reason whats important is to pick yourself back up, put your head up and start moving" followed by "go take it out on the machines." I certainly cant explain not even half of the things that has gone on in my life, but what I do know is..."Everything happens for a reason"... and it does. I was studying when I realized, I already know some of this. Rather most of it. Bits and pieces were learned at every job I was at. You see, while my faith has remained strong I do believe its ok to ask God "WHY?"...doesnt mean He will answer right away. But He will answer. Sometimes so quietly we barely hear Him. Sometimes thru other people. Sometimes thru a spin class or while you are laying on a weight bench with your trainer standing over and when you are doing something you think you cant do because past experience says you cant your trainer says, "and you said you cant do it...you just did and you are" or even while lifting a 45lb weight from a squatted position and suddenly you think wait I'm coming up on 1 year of this lifestyle change. I think back to a year ago, I couldnt even barely walk on the treadmill or use the elyptical. Now Im taking TRX classes and spin classes and running on the treadmill. I remember using the spin room because I was to embarrassed to be seen exercising...the proverbial "fat chick trying to be healthy" in my words then...NOW...the words have changed...LOOK AT ME LOOK WHERE I WAS...LOOK WHERE I AM....MOST IMPORTANTLY LOOK WHERE I AM GOING...COME TAKE THE JOURNEY WITH ME....I never thought a year ago this is where my life would be. Even as a little girl I never thought this is what my life would be. The bad the ugly the hurtful the embarrassing the frustrating...most importantly the good the positive the hopefullness the faith the realizing despite the unbelievable amount of evil there is still good. There is still an amazing side to life that I just rescently started to discover. A wonderful boss I once had an extreme honor to work for who is no longer with us here but in Heaven once said (actually many times said) "when the student is ready the teacher will appear" and it is so true. He was, I am sure one of many teachers in my life. But he stands out the most and while I miss him greatly I still hear my teachers lessons in my head from time to time. The one lesson he taught me that stood out the most is "I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY, THANK YOU, PLEASE FORGIVE ME" and its always been life changing. Even to this day. While I have had many teachers in 35 yrs of life (yes I just turned 35)for some reason only the last few years stand out to me. Many teachers were the silent in the background praying while others were in my face. and profoundly infleuncial in my life. One teacher passed away from this earth and entered into Heaven while another stepped up in his place to continue the process of change and aiming me to the direction I was originally supposed to live. See, I believe if we miss Gods calling on our lives...while we are wondering around saying "God remember me I'm still here" He setting up the path for us.He knows we are still here...because He has been there all along. Watching and waiting for the right moment to say "here's a glimpse into what I've been doing just a hint it's all lead you to this place to this point in time, diffficult for now or not its all for a reason" and sometimes the people placed in our dont even realize that they have been used. Til its their time to hear that same message. I sat on my spin bike and looked at the teachers bike and remembered the girl who couldnt at that moment even do a squat with her own weight and would hide in the spin room to do the workout. I remember her...I remember how she felt...I remember..... thats why EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.... Thinking back to that time I remember I see the pictures...I remember...I feel...A year ago I started this Lifestyle change...this Lifestyle Journey...Honestly, I can say that its permantant. I will never be the same. Nor do I want to be the same as I was. I missed out on so much. Not anymore. The faces of people the comments I get from those who see me do thing never done before by me or by someone my size...is AMAZING....I LOVE IT... it causes me to remember...and to be glad...but mostly...I remember....
also, i'd like to add...while this life hasn't turned out the way I planned it....its still my life...I share it with a wonderful man who works hard and has been my rock thru this entire thing....I truly believe the best is yet to come...
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